I'm feeling so stressed now! So much not yet done/understood but the time is tight! Less than 4 hours to my exam! Part of me is feeling hopeful thinking that I can still accomplish a lot in 4 hours but part of me is feeling like there's no need to continue my preservation. I think I might have consumed too much caffeine resulting in my anxiety. Hopefully, everything will go well but my gut feeling is it won't go well.
Alrighty, we will talk tonight and I will be relieved! Meanwhile, I will go try my best to absorb as much as I can! I shall preserve!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Leting go and learning to be thankful,
After a night's sleep and a few motivational videos, I have come to realized that the best solution out of the situation is to step away and learn to be thankful of things I have. I will work towards my own goals: graduate and get a job that allows me to travel around the world. I will live life to the fullest and enjoy all the time I have with my parents before my cousin come. I know that there will definitely be friction and dissatisfaction when my cousin comes. So I will decide after I complete my degree if i shall move out or continue staying here.
I am quite keen on getting a job now as I really would like to be financially independent. I've applied for Mid year orientation host and am going to get book voucher for that. Because I did the first of year Orientation host and I didn't use my voucher for that, I have $120 for buying books this semester so I don't have to ask my parents for money. I am very glad of that. But i would also like to earn enough money to travel to Singapore and China and to also take a subject overseas next year. I know all of those will cost a lot so I must get a job! Fight! We talk tonight! Don't be sad that Xiao hong is leaving cause she will eventually come back!
I am quite keen on getting a job now as I really would like to be financially independent. I've applied for Mid year orientation host and am going to get book voucher for that. Because I did the first of year Orientation host and I didn't use my voucher for that, I have $120 for buying books this semester so I don't have to ask my parents for money. I am very glad of that. But i would also like to earn enough money to travel to Singapore and China and to also take a subject overseas next year. I know all of those will cost a lot so I must get a job! Fight! We talk tonight! Don't be sad that Xiao hong is leaving cause she will eventually come back!
I don't know what to say now. Haven't felt this sad in a long time.
I listened to 王力宏 的需要人陪 and cried after talking to you just now. Haven't felt like this for a long time. I feel like my parents really dislike me and I am also causing a lot of trouble. I know they care for me but I feel sometimes my presence make them very irritated. I know what I am doing is very irritating. What happened was that my uncle from China called and said that my Cousin (the one that I don't like) wants to do my major. After I heard this news I got very angry cause I know this will happen. I don't really mind if she does the same degree/major with me but I mind that the uncle is actually really manipulative. He wants my cousin to do same degree with me so that they can take maximum advantage from me and my family. He knows that I can help her with all the university work and transportation and in the future i can help her find a job. And thinking about this makes me very mad. Very very very mad. Because he treated me really badly when I was younger and when my cousin not set on coming Australia. But ever since then, he started being very nice to me. But he only did it because he wants to "li yong" us. My parents also know it. They are very clear about it. They already "li yong" me last year. He wants me to carry all my textbooks from here to China and then asks me to teach my cousin. And then before I go back he say, "If you bring back your books, I will give you a Kindle". When I hear this I got very angry. Cause i know that he is being nice to me for his own purposes. Makes me feel very used. But i gave my books and stuff to my cousin anyway cause we're relatives. And then now, I feel like if my cousin really comes and study the same major as me, I will feel very suffocated and unhappy everyday. So I got angry and told my parents that I rather help un-related people than my cousin. Which is true because I always give tips and assignment solutions to my Mentees from mentoring and students from orientation day. And then my dad said I am selfish and jealous. And then I feel very sad. I cried because I know that I said and did something very not good to my parents but I cannot help it. And I really wish I can go Singapore now to just get away from all of this. I really want to go afar and live normally and happily. So I am very determined to slim down and be a flight attendant. I really want to live this place. I think from now on, everything I must depend on myself.
Even with the phone call, I also feel like they're limiting me. I feel like they don't know the importance of the calls cause I want to share my feelings with someone and they cannot understand that.
Sigh, overall, tonight i feel terrible. I really feel like I've disappointed them but I also feel very unhappy because of my cousin and uncle. I want to fly to a lot of countries and just not face the troubles. That's really what I want to do.
I listened to 王力宏 的需要人陪 and cried after talking to you just now. Haven't felt like this for a long time. I feel like my parents really dislike me and I am also causing a lot of trouble. I know they care for me but I feel sometimes my presence make them very irritated. I know what I am doing is very irritating. What happened was that my uncle from China called and said that my Cousin (the one that I don't like) wants to do my major. After I heard this news I got very angry cause I know this will happen. I don't really mind if she does the same degree/major with me but I mind that the uncle is actually really manipulative. He wants my cousin to do same degree with me so that they can take maximum advantage from me and my family. He knows that I can help her with all the university work and transportation and in the future i can help her find a job. And thinking about this makes me very mad. Very very very mad. Because he treated me really badly when I was younger and when my cousin not set on coming Australia. But ever since then, he started being very nice to me. But he only did it because he wants to "li yong" us. My parents also know it. They are very clear about it. They already "li yong" me last year. He wants me to carry all my textbooks from here to China and then asks me to teach my cousin. And then before I go back he say, "If you bring back your books, I will give you a Kindle". When I hear this I got very angry. Cause i know that he is being nice to me for his own purposes. Makes me feel very used. But i gave my books and stuff to my cousin anyway cause we're relatives. And then now, I feel like if my cousin really comes and study the same major as me, I will feel very suffocated and unhappy everyday. So I got angry and told my parents that I rather help un-related people than my cousin. Which is true because I always give tips and assignment solutions to my Mentees from mentoring and students from orientation day. And then my dad said I am selfish and jealous. And then I feel very sad. I cried because I know that I said and did something very not good to my parents but I cannot help it. And I really wish I can go Singapore now to just get away from all of this. I really want to go afar and live normally and happily. So I am very determined to slim down and be a flight attendant. I really want to live this place. I think from now on, everything I must depend on myself.
Even with the phone call, I also feel like they're limiting me. I feel like they don't know the importance of the calls cause I want to share my feelings with someone and they cannot understand that.
Sigh, overall, tonight i feel terrible. I really feel like I've disappointed them but I also feel very unhappy because of my cousin and uncle. I want to fly to a lot of countries and just not face the troubles. That's really what I want to do.
王力宏
王力宏
王力宏
王力宏
王力宏
王力宏
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tomorrow,
Tomorrow both MX and I have exams that we have not yet finished studying for. Let's hope we can make full sure of time today and maximise our knowledge!
Even though I wanted to sleep earlier tonight, I think I'll most definitely be staying up 😓
Hopefully i will be able to sleep at about 12-1am! Tomorrow I'll be seeing another GP! So tired of seeing GPs!
My exams will be done next Thursday! I was looking forward to going back to Singapore but now, I've nothing to look forward to! I want to remove gally and then I can go back and eat cheese fries hehe!
You're at work now right! We talk tonight! Love you!
Even though I wanted to sleep earlier tonight, I think I'll most definitely be staying up 😓
Hopefully i will be able to sleep at about 12-1am! Tomorrow I'll be seeing another GP! So tired of seeing GPs!
My exams will be done next Thursday! I was looking forward to going back to Singapore but now, I've nothing to look forward to! I want to remove gally and then I can go back and eat cheese fries hehe!
You're at work now right! We talk tonight! Love you!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Viber failing me,
Hi Mx,
Don't know why I can't send anything on viber! See my message was sent on Sunday, Monday and today! But all cannot go through!
Don't know why I can't send anything on viber! See my message was sent on Sunday, Monday and today! But all cannot go through!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Uncertainty,
Hi MX!
I just came back from my GP! Turns out I really have to do the surgery and it has to be fast as well! My liver enzymes are still very elevated! I'll take a picture for you to see later! Is comparison from 3 different blood tests done at different times. Anyways, I booked another Surgeon consultation for Thursday Morning and then in the afternoon I've another surgeon appointment. Need to see which one is better. For the surgery, it's $5000-6000 if I do it at a private hospital and $0 if I do it at a public hospital. But then if it is public, I've to wait for a long time and the Doctor there not necessarily good. That's why I am meeting with 2 Doctors to compare and to see the schedule. Based on the current situation, I cannot go back to Singapore/China this June... Means I have to change dates for my air tickets! OMG... I really want to die already! Cannot believe this, but the GP say need to operate as soon as possible if not the elevated liver enzymes will cause harm to my liver and pancreas and Gally also... So he say must remove Gally as soon as possible, which means I might have to do the surgery after exams (during the time when I plan to be in Singapore/China) or EVEN WORST, DURING exams... I pray surgery can be after exams,but don't know what's happening yet. Must double check with my surgeons. If I change tickets, I think I'll be going back in September or December. Don't know anything yet.
I hate my life! So many troublesome things going on. I am so sad!!! Plus, worst thing is my mum also have to change her tickets... OMG, Gally bought so many problems into our lives!
Anyways, I need to go study now in case I get sick later! When you see this post, reply me on Viber! I'll be on Viber (unless I go to sleep).
Feeling so unmotivated and depressed.
Loves,
JW
I just came back from my GP! Turns out I really have to do the surgery and it has to be fast as well! My liver enzymes are still very elevated! I'll take a picture for you to see later! Is comparison from 3 different blood tests done at different times. Anyways, I booked another Surgeon consultation for Thursday Morning and then in the afternoon I've another surgeon appointment. Need to see which one is better. For the surgery, it's $5000-6000 if I do it at a private hospital and $0 if I do it at a public hospital. But then if it is public, I've to wait for a long time and the Doctor there not necessarily good. That's why I am meeting with 2 Doctors to compare and to see the schedule. Based on the current situation, I cannot go back to Singapore/China this June... Means I have to change dates for my air tickets! OMG... I really want to die already! Cannot believe this, but the GP say need to operate as soon as possible if not the elevated liver enzymes will cause harm to my liver and pancreas and Gally also... So he say must remove Gally as soon as possible, which means I might have to do the surgery after exams (during the time when I plan to be in Singapore/China) or EVEN WORST, DURING exams... I pray surgery can be after exams,but don't know what's happening yet. Must double check with my surgeons. If I change tickets, I think I'll be going back in September or December. Don't know anything yet.
I hate my life! So many troublesome things going on. I am so sad!!! Plus, worst thing is my mum also have to change her tickets... OMG, Gally bought so many problems into our lives!
Anyways, I need to go study now in case I get sick later! When you see this post, reply me on Viber! I'll be on Viber (unless I go to sleep).
Feeling so unmotivated and depressed.
Loves,
JW
Feeling a little stressed,
Hi MX!
Gally is not feeling good again! Must be because I had too much food for lunch and dinner! But all the food are not oily so I hope it's just bloating and not another attack!
I'm charging my iPhone again because I wasted all my battery watching Konan! It's so good!
If you see this post, log in and post an entry as well! Keep a record here and then in the future, when we read our entries, we'll feel like taking a walk down memory lane! I booked an appointment with my surgeon which is this Thursday and tomorrow, I'll be seeing my GP to see my blood results and ultrasound results! I hope my liver enzymes will be down ( at least a bit closer to normal range )
With regrets, I didn't manage to fulfill my promise of studying hard and finishing my preparation today. I don't think I am even close to finishing. I think I will never finish preparing for my exams... I really hope I can but I don't think I'll have the determination. Sometimes I wish I have more determination and motivation! It's like I know what is the right thing to do but I just do not have that extra strength to go do it. I am sure you understand what I meant! I still remember your project which you rushed until you feel very stressed out!
I hope I can finish preparing for my exam tomorrow! I really do hope so! If you talk to me on Viber later, remind me to study hard okay?
Love,
JW
Gally is not feeling good again! Must be because I had too much food for lunch and dinner! But all the food are not oily so I hope it's just bloating and not another attack!
I'm charging my iPhone again because I wasted all my battery watching Konan! It's so good!
If you see this post, log in and post an entry as well! Keep a record here and then in the future, when we read our entries, we'll feel like taking a walk down memory lane! I booked an appointment with my surgeon which is this Thursday and tomorrow, I'll be seeing my GP to see my blood results and ultrasound results! I hope my liver enzymes will be down ( at least a bit closer to normal range )
With regrets, I didn't manage to fulfill my promise of studying hard and finishing my preparation today. I don't think I am even close to finishing. I think I will never finish preparing for my exams... I really hope I can but I don't think I'll have the determination. Sometimes I wish I have more determination and motivation! It's like I know what is the right thing to do but I just do not have that extra strength to go do it. I am sure you understand what I meant! I still remember your project which you rushed until you feel very stressed out!
I hope I can finish preparing for my exam tomorrow! I really do hope so! If you talk to me on Viber later, remind me to study hard okay?
Love,
JW
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Some pictures!
Since you're not using instagram, I'll share some pictures here! We can update pictures here when I'm in Singapore! 
Update!
Hi MX!
I just finish writing an entry into your dairy! Then I realized why shouldn't I take the extra step ( and initiative ) to post something here? So, HERE I AM!
I am so happy and blessed that our friendship is still going strong! When you think about it, we're best friends for nearly 8 years! It's such a long time! While I was reading your diary, I suddenly feel very sorry for not being able to celebrate your birthday with you! I mean, I was never there on your birthday (15th March)! When I start working in the future, I will 100% fly over to Singapore on your birthday and celebrate it with you! I am thinking that can happen in maybe 1/2 years' time?
As mentioned in Viber, I just finished eating my toffee crepe and am still feeling okay... Hopefully my gallbladder won't start messing up! By the way, I am naming my gallbladder Gally hahaha! Quite a cute name right!
Where are you going tonight? Confirm to eat something again! Must control okay! Remember our diet plans! It must work out this time!!! For the millionth time!
My first exam is on Wednesday it's called Organizational Behavior. I don't really like this subject very much cause it's a little about psychology and a lot about writing! I hope I finish preparing about 50% worth of materials tonight so I don't have to stress about it tomorrow or on Tuesday. Tomorrow, I'll be fasting from 8am to 3pm because I've a Ultrasound appointment at 3pm so I'll need to fast 8 hours prior to the appointment! I already feel hungry thinking about it! I will definitely wake up early and have a good breakfast! What are you planning to do tomorrow?
During my 6 days stay in Singapore, we must truly enjoy ourselves!
Bukit Timah, Riding bikes at East Coast, Marina Barrage Picnic, Pasir Ris Beach, Sun Plaza Park, Escape/USS, Sing K and so much more! I've also planned out your Birthday celebration! So EXCIED!!! HEHEHE Okay, that's it! I'll see or talk to you very very soon! Right now, I must live up to my promise and start studying! Tonight, I am going to CHIONG my ass off!!!
Love you loads and lots,
JW!
I just finish writing an entry into your dairy! Then I realized why shouldn't I take the extra step ( and initiative ) to post something here? So, HERE I AM!
I am so happy and blessed that our friendship is still going strong! When you think about it, we're best friends for nearly 8 years! It's such a long time! While I was reading your diary, I suddenly feel very sorry for not being able to celebrate your birthday with you! I mean, I was never there on your birthday (15th March)! When I start working in the future, I will 100% fly over to Singapore on your birthday and celebrate it with you! I am thinking that can happen in maybe 1/2 years' time?
As mentioned in Viber, I just finished eating my toffee crepe and am still feeling okay... Hopefully my gallbladder won't start messing up! By the way, I am naming my gallbladder Gally hahaha! Quite a cute name right!
Where are you going tonight? Confirm to eat something again! Must control okay! Remember our diet plans! It must work out this time!!! For the millionth time!
My first exam is on Wednesday it's called Organizational Behavior. I don't really like this subject very much cause it's a little about psychology and a lot about writing! I hope I finish preparing about 50% worth of materials tonight so I don't have to stress about it tomorrow or on Tuesday. Tomorrow, I'll be fasting from 8am to 3pm because I've a Ultrasound appointment at 3pm so I'll need to fast 8 hours prior to the appointment! I already feel hungry thinking about it! I will definitely wake up early and have a good breakfast! What are you planning to do tomorrow?
During my 6 days stay in Singapore, we must truly enjoy ourselves!
Bukit Timah, Riding bikes at East Coast, Marina Barrage Picnic, Pasir Ris Beach, Sun Plaza Park, Escape/USS, Sing K and so much more! I've also planned out your Birthday celebration! So EXCIED!!! HEHEHE Okay, that's it! I'll see or talk to you very very soon! Right now, I must live up to my promise and start studying! Tonight, I am going to CHIONG my ass off!!!
Love you loads and lots,
JW!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)