I listened to 王力宏 的需要人陪 and cried after talking to you just now. Haven't felt like this for a long time. I feel like my parents really dislike me and I am also causing a lot of trouble. I know they care for me but I feel sometimes my presence make them very irritated. I know what I am doing is very irritating. What happened was that my uncle from China called and said that my Cousin (the one that I don't like) wants to do my major. After I heard this news I got very angry cause I know this will happen. I don't really mind if she does the same degree/major with me but I mind that the uncle is actually really manipulative. He wants my cousin to do same degree with me so that they can take maximum advantage from me and my family. He knows that I can help her with all the university work and transportation and in the future i can help her find a job. And thinking about this makes me very mad. Very very very mad. Because he treated me really badly when I was younger and when my cousin not set on coming Australia. But ever since then, he started being very nice to me. But he only did it because he wants to "li yong" us. My parents also know it. They are very clear about it. They already "li yong" me last year. He wants me to carry all my textbooks from here to China and then asks me to teach my cousin. And then before I go back he say, "If you bring back your books, I will give you a Kindle". When I hear this I got very angry. Cause i know that he is being nice to me for his own purposes. Makes me feel very used. But i gave my books and stuff to my cousin anyway cause we're relatives. And then now, I feel like if my cousin really comes and study the same major as me, I will feel very suffocated and unhappy everyday. So I got angry and told my parents that I rather help un-related people than my cousin. Which is true because I always give tips and assignment solutions to my Mentees from mentoring and students from orientation day. And then my dad said I am selfish and jealous. And then I feel very sad. I cried because I know that I said and did something very not good to my parents but I cannot help it. And I really wish I can go Singapore now to just get away from all of this. I really want to go afar and live normally and happily. So I am very determined to slim down and be a flight attendant. I really want to live this place. I think from now on, everything I must depend on myself.
Even with the phone call, I also feel like they're limiting me. I feel like they don't know the importance of the calls cause I want to share my feelings with someone and they cannot understand that.
Sigh, overall, tonight i feel terrible. I really feel like I've disappointed them but I also feel very unhappy because of my cousin and uncle. I want to fly to a lot of countries and just not face the troubles. That's really what I want to do.
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